End Abuse & Violence

Are you abusing others?

Abuse Is:

  • Calling bad names or putting someone down
  • Shouting and cursing
  • Hitting, slapping and/or pushing
  • Making threats of any kind
  • Jealously and suspicion
  • Keeping someone away from family and friends
  • Throwing things around the house

Domestic violence is a crime.

It destroys relationships and families.
It passes from generation to generation.
It doesn’t have to be this way.

If you abuse, you can choose to stop.
Call us at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3223 (TTY).

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Friends & Family

Yes, it is your business.

Maybe they are your friend, your brother-in-law, your cousin, co-worker, or gym partner. You’ve noticed that they interrupt their partners, criticize their families, yell at them or scare them. You hope that when they’re alone, it isn’t worse.

The way they treat their partners makes you uncomfortable, but you don’t want to make them mad or lose their friendship. You surely don’t want to see them wreck their marriages or have to call the police.

What can you do?
Say something. If you don’t, your silence is the same as saying abuse is ok. They could hurt someone, or end up in jail. Because you care, you need to do something… before it is too late.

What can you say or do?

Draw attention to it.
“Do you see the effect your bad words have on her?”
“When you do that, it makes him feel bad.”
“Did you mean to be so rough? That’s not cool.”

Tell him what you think.
“I’m really worried about her safety.”
“I’m surprised to see you act that way. You’re better than that.”
“I care about you, but I won’t tolerate it if you abuse him.”
“This makes me really uncomfortable. It’s not right.”

Express ideas about loving behavior.
“Loving her doesn’t mean abusing her.”
“Good spouses and partners don’t say or do those kinds of things.”

Offer suggestions or solutions.
“People should never hit or threaten the people they love.”
“Kids learn from their parents. Is this how you want your son to treat women?”
“How would you feel if your daughter chose someone who acted like this?”
“Call me if you feel like you’re losing control.”
“Maybe you should try counseling.”

If his behavior is criminal, tell him so.
“Domestic violence is a crime. You could be arrested for this.”
“You could end up in jail if you don’t find a way to deal with your problems. Then what would happen to you and your family?”

They may not like it.

They may not listen. They may get enraged, deny it, ignore you or make excuses. They may want to talk about what their partners did to them. They may even laugh it off or make fun of you. Still, you need to say something. Your silence is the same as saying you approve.

Or they may take you seriously and decide to change

If people learn to put down and abuse people from observing others, they can also learn from others how to respect people. When you decide that domestic violence is unacceptable and choose to lead, other people will begin to think twice before they strike with their words or fists.

It isn’t easy or comfortable, but people must step up to the plate because next time, it could be your sister, mother, brother, cousin, friend or co-worker. It’s the right thing to do.

Listen. Teach. Lead.
Help stop domestic violence.

If you are concerned about the safety of your friend’s partner or spouse, or to learn about services in your area, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.

Do The Right Thing.

Tell Them There Is A Better Way.

COPYRIGHT © 1998 BY THE NATIONAL CENTER FOR VICTIMS OF CRIME. THIS INFORMATION MAY BE FREELY DISTRIBUTED, PROVIDED THAT IT IS DISTRIBUTED FREE OF CHARGE, IN ITS ENTIRETY AND INCLUDES THIS COPYRIGHT NOTICE.

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